It's 12:46 a.m. HK time. Few hours ago, i went to play some 3 on 3 pick up hoops with my boys. Though, i am still feeling empty.
I am not talking about faith here nor life. What i am talking about now is my basketball career. My boy, Roy aka 'Helicopter', called me about 5 in the afternoon today asking me if i wanted to play ball tonight. I hesitated at first. I am not fully recovered yet, though as always, i wanted to test my shoulder desperately. 'Okay, see you tonight.' I replied with a smile on my face.
When i was playing, i tried not to hold back. I knew i was not as capable to pull as many moves as i did before my injuries but i just tried to play as naturally as i could.
'I am doing okay.' I told myself in my mind after the first game even though we lost.
I took a rest in the second and got back on the court for thr third. I was shit, i couldn't make the passes as accurate as i used to, couldn't shoot in rhythm, couldn't put moves on the opponents as smooth. We lost by a large margin. I even threw the ball against the ground so hard that it bounced so high and then came back down hard. I did not know what they thought about that. I assumed they thought i was angry, only to whom.
And i was so angry on myself.
I used to be a blessing to every team that i play on. A valuable asset if not a blessing. Tounament, competition, invitational, inter-school, proper game, and even pick-up, whichever team i played on, they all liked me. Even if i was not in my best shape, on my top form, mentally and physically prepared, i was always able to help my teams win with my experience, leadership and sacrifice.
Hong Kong, China, Australia, all my teammates liked my style of play. I am never a ball hog myself, yet i know when i should step my game up. Except for my short tenure with 'Giants' in 2007. I could not really make an impact because how could you possibly make a big impact when you were only given 15 - 18 minutes a game and regardless how well you performed? At certain age, i felt like i was useless. And that's how i am feeling right now. I couldn't contribute as much as i could.
I have 5 games coming up in November and i know that i should get in shape and get prepared for them in this short period of time instead of sinking in a self-indictment. I gotta know that i am still not fully recovered and not prepared physically. I should let the game come to me instead of forcing it. That's just not me. And yeh, i should be thankful that i am actually rehabbing faster than other people for the same kind of injuries and that i can still play.
There are many more games to come. Gotta keep my head up. I am blessing of God and to my teammates.