What's up everyone?
2009 is coming to an end and i just wanted to express my greatest gratitude to all of you for your support and encouragement throughout the year!
I have got a lot of shoutouts to make so i am hoping i won't miss any!
- My photographer Brian C@The Fly Squad
- My junior designer Berlize@The Fly Squad
- My junior designer Xavier Siu@The Fly Squad
- Focus Magazine
- HKIE Corps of HK Salvation Army
- Matt 'The Tank' Au
- Alex 'Quiet Storm' Lau@SeeSharp Productions
- Jenny 'Baby J' Tran@The Fly Squad
- Princess Kavi
- Caroline@Melbourne Music Academy
- So Hung Tak
- Steph 'Princess Pop'@Global Gambits
- SR 'Big Fish'@Global Gambits
- Circle Marketing
and many more.......
Next year, 2010, i am not greedy just hoping Fly is going to be bigger than this year.
Once again, thank you so much for your support and it would be great if you could suggest your friends to become fans of Fly Clothing! www.facebook.com/FlyClothing
Happy New Year, wish you a prosperous and joyful year and much love for 2010!
Let me take a bow to you all!
Peace.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Merry Christmas!
Fly Clothing is wishing you .......Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!
Enjoy this meaningful holiday with your family and loved ones!
And of course, be safe and considerate!
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Goodbye my love!
I can't remember the name of this model. What i remember is they were inexpensive, slick-looking, fairly light, close-to-the-ground, comfortable, feet-fit and once endorsed by Manu Ginobili.
Now they were worn out, i never thought i would dump any shoes of mine but now that we do not have much space, i had to. Goodbye my love! You were great as my partner! We have been through a lot of battles! Thank you for your tremendous service!
I am finally using this pen, with my name engraved on it.
It was a gift from Caroline W my little girl! Thank you Carol. I love it!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
'Sweat Ya Soul' Towel
Since i first started 'Fly', people around me have been asking the same question, 'Hey dude, when are you gonna drop out some towels?'
And here you go people!
'Sweat Ya Soul' towel - your best complement for games and tournament.
34 inches x 14 inches
Noble blue/White
Peace
And here you go people!
'Sweat Ya Soul' towel - your best complement for games and tournament.
34 inches x 14 inches
Noble blue/White
Peace
Monday, December 14, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Accessories - 2nd Collection
ButterFly - 'Pinkish' Bangle
ButterFly - 'Ching Ching' Bracelet
ButterFly - 'Wings' Earrings
ButterFly - 'Bling Bling' Necklace
To see more pictures of this collection, go to www.facebook.com/FlyClothing
Saturday, December 12, 2009
從我一班師弟身上看到現今青少年的處事方法及態度
今天是星期六, 下午大約一兩點, 我步行去新都城吃午餐. 路經學校正門, 當然會望望母校, 回憶一下過去. 至畢業後, 七年來我每次經過呂潤財都會望一望, 從不間斷. 今天亦不例外, 望到現在的籃球隊在籃球場練習, 更加專心地望著他們射籃.
誰不知我邊行邊看, 看到他們不斷在已經拉下了的籃框"入樽", 最後, 籃框倒下了.
我突然間覺得, '有無搞錯呀?' 我在校隊五年以及之後在母校教波都未發生過, 他們究竟知不知道自己在做什麼? 那裡是學校, 不是街場啊! 我很嬲, 我在想應不應該入去了解一下. 我猶疑. 但我當時腦內只有一個想法, '我在呂潤財長大.'
我進去了.
我問他們,
'邊個拉個框落黎架?'
'走左啦, 岩岩行左出門口.'
我走出門口, 大聲叫他們二人.
'我以前讀呢間學校架, 我以前係籃球隊隊長.'
'係呀? 握握手先.'
'你拉爛左個框呀?'
'做咩呀?' 他有丁點兒驚.
'係咪你整爛個框呀?'
'係呀. 做咩姐?'
'你做咩拉爛佢呀?'
'下...'
'你叫咩名呀?'
'下...做咩姐?'
'你叫咩名呀?' 我大聲地問.
'XX業.'
'你中幾呀? 咩班呀?'
'下...中四, 4E.' '下...整爛個框唔駛記大過呀?' 語帶微笑問.
'根據手冊整爛個框最多都係記小過姐.' 站在旁邊的同學插話.
'好好笑呀?' 我怒目相向那個站在旁邊的同學.
'唔好意思.' 仲要鞠躬.
'你地有咩資格打籃球隊呀?' '點解你要整爛個框呀?'
'阿SIR叫...'
'阿SIR叫?' 我極之驚訝地叫了出來! '咁得啦, 我同你阿SIR講話你同我講佢叫你拉爛架啦. 你走啦.'
我走進校內, 見到校長在旁邊, 我跟其他籃球隊的同學說,
'你地點解見到有人拉個框落黎都唔阻止架?'
沒有學生回應, 直到一個學生走過來. '佢上緊籃JA.'
'廢話! 唔通搵把掃把拉落黎咩?'
'咁佢上緊籃丫嘛!'
'上籃? 我親眼睇住佢拉落黎喎!'
'妖, 你講晒啦咁!' 轉身走.
'你咩態度同我講野呀?' '你叫到個框咁樣射波唔得架? 一定要掂到佢架?'
我很氣憤, 很心痛. 為什麼一定要這樣對學校呢? 有沒有考慮到其他同學? 爛了, 其他同學便少一個籃框用. 自己會不會受傷? 會不會令到其他正在練習的球員受傷? 知不知道學校訂一個籃框要多長時間? 自己籃球隊練習會不會受到影響?
我心裡面有另一些疑問:
1) 為什麼校工沒有提醒?
2) 校長有否及早注意到?
3) 為什麼沒有教練或老師在場?
4) 籃球隊隊長在哪裡?
5) 為什麼那位同學拉下籃框後, 可一走了之?
6) 為什麼他沒有告訴校務處?
7) 為什麼沒有同學叫他留下來?
我們以前每個籃球隊員都要經過嚴格選拔, 所以技術全都很不錯. 更遑論能否拉到籃框! 但同樣事情發生過多少次? 零. 可能現在要打籃球隊比以往容易, 同學都沒有我們那麼重視.
唯一可以肯定的是, 我比他們更愛呂潤財.
我們東華三院中學校歌最後一段是這樣的:
'愛東華, 愛母校, 他日成材, 服務社會, 報恩厚'
我不知道他們現在是不是唱同一首校歌, 但我從他們身上看不到這段歌詞.
以上內容及對話絕無誇張, 可問當時在場的其他同學及校長.
誰不知我邊行邊看, 看到他們不斷在已經拉下了的籃框"入樽", 最後, 籃框倒下了.
我突然間覺得, '有無搞錯呀?' 我在校隊五年以及之後在母校教波都未發生過, 他們究竟知不知道自己在做什麼? 那裡是學校, 不是街場啊! 我很嬲, 我在想應不應該入去了解一下. 我猶疑. 但我當時腦內只有一個想法, '我在呂潤財長大.'
我進去了.
我問他們,
'邊個拉個框落黎架?'
'走左啦, 岩岩行左出門口.'
我走出門口, 大聲叫他們二人.
'我以前讀呢間學校架, 我以前係籃球隊隊長.'
'係呀? 握握手先.'
'你拉爛左個框呀?'
'做咩呀?' 他有丁點兒驚.
'係咪你整爛個框呀?'
'係呀. 做咩姐?'
'你做咩拉爛佢呀?'
'下...'
'你叫咩名呀?'
'下...做咩姐?'
'你叫咩名呀?' 我大聲地問.
'XX業.'
'你中幾呀? 咩班呀?'
'下...中四, 4E.' '下...整爛個框唔駛記大過呀?' 語帶微笑問.
'根據手冊整爛個框最多都係記小過姐.' 站在旁邊的同學插話.
'好好笑呀?' 我怒目相向那個站在旁邊的同學.
'唔好意思.' 仲要鞠躬.
'你地有咩資格打籃球隊呀?' '點解你要整爛個框呀?'
'阿SIR叫...'
'阿SIR叫?' 我極之驚訝地叫了出來! '咁得啦, 我同你阿SIR講話你同我講佢叫你拉爛架啦. 你走啦.'
我走進校內, 見到校長在旁邊, 我跟其他籃球隊的同學說,
'你地點解見到有人拉個框落黎都唔阻止架?'
沒有學生回應, 直到一個學生走過來. '佢上緊籃JA.'
'廢話! 唔通搵把掃把拉落黎咩?'
'咁佢上緊籃丫嘛!'
'上籃? 我親眼睇住佢拉落黎喎!'
'妖, 你講晒啦咁!' 轉身走.
'你咩態度同我講野呀?' '你叫到個框咁樣射波唔得架? 一定要掂到佢架?'
我很氣憤, 很心痛. 為什麼一定要這樣對學校呢? 有沒有考慮到其他同學? 爛了, 其他同學便少一個籃框用. 自己會不會受傷? 會不會令到其他正在練習的球員受傷? 知不知道學校訂一個籃框要多長時間? 自己籃球隊練習會不會受到影響?
我心裡面有另一些疑問:
1) 為什麼校工沒有提醒?
2) 校長有否及早注意到?
3) 為什麼沒有教練或老師在場?
4) 籃球隊隊長在哪裡?
5) 為什麼那位同學拉下籃框後, 可一走了之?
6) 為什麼他沒有告訴校務處?
7) 為什麼沒有同學叫他留下來?
我們以前每個籃球隊員都要經過嚴格選拔, 所以技術全都很不錯. 更遑論能否拉到籃框! 但同樣事情發生過多少次? 零. 可能現在要打籃球隊比以往容易, 同學都沒有我們那麼重視.
唯一可以肯定的是, 我比他們更愛呂潤財.
我們東華三院中學校歌最後一段是這樣的:
'愛東華, 愛母校, 他日成材, 服務社會, 報恩厚'
我不知道他們現在是不是唱同一首校歌, 但我從他們身上看不到這段歌詞.
以上內容及對話絕無誇張, 可問當時在場的其他同學及校長.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Who Am I? Limited Edition T-Shirts
Black+Carolina Blue
Available Sizes: S, M, L & XL
What you wear tells who you are. That true?
Retail Prices: HKD$180/AUD$30. Now available.Tuesday, December 8, 2009
'Who Am I?' '我是誰?' 徵文比賽得獎作品(三)
作者: Naty Lee, 香港人, 在澳洲墨爾本一工程公司工作
你是你生命的主宰嗎？
很多人都認為人生必須要活得有意義，活得精彩。那麼，何為有意義呢？點算為精彩？最起碼要完成一個大學課程吧！資質好的話，能夠完成埋什麼碩士或博士學位，那就更有面子吧！最起碼這些一個個的學位是生活的一個保證。如果大家都同意這個理論的話，換句話說我們可以得出一個結論︰有大學學位的人，才能夠有資格活得有意義，那沒有學位的，人生便沒有價值？！
難道人的一生，就必須要跟隨社會的風氣，由幼稚園、小學、中學，再升間頂尖大學，畢業後出來社會找份好的工作，再儲錢結婚、生仔，努力的工作養家，然後等到仔女大了，便退休。好的話更有機會享兒孫福，可憐的話便會被 “打包”，長眠地下。既然每個人的一生都是這樣的渡過時，那麼，在這個社會裡，真的多我一個唔多，少我一個唔少。
與其要平淡的渡過人生，有些人卻從人生中尋找樂趣，希望令自己的生活日日精彩日日Fun。行街、睇戲、食飯、唱K…這些基本娛樂是必須的。如果有膽量的會去下pub、high下丸，想再刺激的話，去試埋偷野等等，這些已經不知不覺成為每天必讀的新聞了。
這一刻的你，是否在想︰我也只不過是社會其中的一小個，能成為新聞的機會真的微乎其微。但試想想，因為這些娛樂而出事的，比起因讀好書或成為什麼知名人士的機會，更容易實踐吧！甚至可免經歷一些人生重要的階段，可直到 “打包”的終點站，這班特快列車服務，真的夠精彩和有意義呢！
是的，人的一生，是由我們透過不同經歷而寫成的一本書。但是作者不是我們任何一個人，我們也只不過是一支筆而已。筆能夠靠自己的能力去寫成一本書嗎？如果作者沒有提起筆來，那支筆只會永遠是一支筆，決不會變成一本書。那麼作者是誰呢？有誰可以創作這麼多本不同類型的書，而能夠令到每本都是獨一無二的？為何這個作者會連筆盒也設計好，讓每支筆都有位置可存？
人生是否活得精彩，是在乎你有沒有找到這位作者的所在。如果筆永遠只願意作一支筆，不願意被主人所用時，終有一天，筆芯內的墨水只會乾去，然後被丟棄。只有願意被主人使用的筆，在主人的愛惜下，每當墨水快用盡前被主人加添墨水，並時時刻刻地被使用，寫出一本本書來，這支筆才能發揮他真正的用途。
為何她會贏?
- 用比喻開頭及作結, 頭尾有序
- 利用諷刺口吻, 從不同角度去寫現今'潮流'
- 最後故意留下伏線, 讓讀者自行思考
你是你生命的主宰嗎？
很多人都認為人生必須要活得有意義，活得精彩。那麼，何為有意義呢？點算為精彩？最起碼要完成一個大學課程吧！資質好的話，能夠完成埋什麼碩士或博士學位，那就更有面子吧！最起碼這些一個個的學位是生活的一個保證。如果大家都同意這個理論的話，換句話說我們可以得出一個結論︰有大學學位的人，才能夠有資格活得有意義，那沒有學位的，人生便沒有價值？！
難道人的一生，就必須要跟隨社會的風氣，由幼稚園、小學、中學，再升間頂尖大學，畢業後出來社會找份好的工作，再儲錢結婚、生仔，努力的工作養家，然後等到仔女大了，便退休。好的話更有機會享兒孫福，可憐的話便會被 “打包”，長眠地下。既然每個人的一生都是這樣的渡過時，那麼，在這個社會裡，真的多我一個唔多，少我一個唔少。
與其要平淡的渡過人生，有些人卻從人生中尋找樂趣，希望令自己的生活日日精彩日日Fun。行街、睇戲、食飯、唱K…這些基本娛樂是必須的。如果有膽量的會去下pub、high下丸，想再刺激的話，去試埋偷野等等，這些已經不知不覺成為每天必讀的新聞了。
這一刻的你，是否在想︰我也只不過是社會其中的一小個，能成為新聞的機會真的微乎其微。但試想想，因為這些娛樂而出事的，比起因讀好書或成為什麼知名人士的機會，更容易實踐吧！甚至可免經歷一些人生重要的階段，可直到 “打包”的終點站，這班特快列車服務，真的夠精彩和有意義呢！
是的，人的一生，是由我們透過不同經歷而寫成的一本書。但是作者不是我們任何一個人，我們也只不過是一支筆而已。筆能夠靠自己的能力去寫成一本書嗎？如果作者沒有提起筆來，那支筆只會永遠是一支筆，決不會變成一本書。那麼作者是誰呢？有誰可以創作這麼多本不同類型的書，而能夠令到每本都是獨一無二的？為何這個作者會連筆盒也設計好，讓每支筆都有位置可存？
人生是否活得精彩，是在乎你有沒有找到這位作者的所在。如果筆永遠只願意作一支筆，不願意被主人所用時，終有一天，筆芯內的墨水只會乾去，然後被丟棄。只有願意被主人使用的筆，在主人的愛惜下，每當墨水快用盡前被主人加添墨水，並時時刻刻地被使用，寫出一本本書來，這支筆才能發揮他真正的用途。
為何她會贏?
- 用比喻開頭及作結, 頭尾有序
- 利用諷刺口吻, 從不同角度去寫現今'潮流'
- 最後故意留下伏線, 讓讀者自行思考
'Who Am I?' '我是誰?' 徵文比賽得獎作品(二)
作者: 梁莉姿, 14歲, 寶血會上智英文書院三年級學生
最近常常一個人發愣，胡思亂想。從爸想到媽，從老師想到同學，最後想到自己。我的存在理由，是甚麼？
有人說，天生我才必有用，但問題是，我總覺得，自己活了十多年人，還是一無是處。我找不到自己的優點，唯一能說說的，也只有勉強能說寫寫東西，用文字表達事情的能力比人強一點，卻也不是最優秀那種。感覺就好比上也不是，下也不是，夾在中間，上不去，下不來，那感覺，也蠻難受的。
這年頭的孩子，我想跟我一樣，也在迷失，不知道自己存在是為甚麼。生命本來就是一個意外，我們來到這個世界，如此彷徨無措，不知如何是好，一切尚未習慣，便已經被推到另一個階段，從嬰兒到幼童，從孩子到學生，從少年到成人，從中年到老死，人的一生，這樣渾渾噩噩的走著，偶然想起，自己存在，是底為了甚麼，自己在這世界上，擔任著甚麼角色？自己是誰？
"自己是誰？" 這個問題一直縈繞腦中。問爸媽，爸媽說，你是我們的孩子。問老師，老師說，你是我的學生。問朋友，朋友說，你是我的朋友。問情人，情人說，你是我的愛。
到底要問誰，到底要怎樣做，才能確定自己的定位？才能肯定，自己的價值？為自己確立一個實際的存在身份？
這個年頭的孩子，想事情都沒這麼深入了，問他們是誰，他們對你投以一記白眼，用眼神告訴你，你是個神經病的。他們不曾去想，自己在社會上的地位將會是甚麼，他們只是為活著而活著。
我是誰？這問題沒人能答你，有人為了證明自己存在，跑去割脈，只有痛，只有痛得實實在在，才感覺到自己活著，這忒也過份了；有人為了證明自己存在，努力向上，為名為利，只有榮譽放在跟前，才懂得快樂，才學會存在意義，這忒也扭曲了；有人為了證明自己存在，瘋狂購物，只有物質握在手中，才知道，自己活著，這太浪費了。
更多人為了證明自己存在，以貶低別人，抬高自己為樂。這年頭的孩子，都是這種人，他們目中無人，自視過高，自以為世界繞著自己而轉，遇到困難，便吸毒、自殺，這樣逃避，是因為他們自築的世界被外界的問題撞個破碎，於是無能為力之下，一死了之。會這樣做，其實只因他們從沒認清，自己的價值。
一種米養百樣人，世界在轉，人類在變，人們為了證明自己價值，花樣百出。你問我，你是誰，你的存在是甚麼。我告訴你，你為甚麼要問我？你自己是誰，該是由你自己去決定，不是靠任何外來的東西。你是你自己的，你是誰，要做個怎樣的人，怎樣定位自己，也全握在你手中，何需介意他人？
我是誰？我就是我，一個獨一無二的個體。
為何她會贏?
- 她知道自己的不足之處, 並且坦承分享, 相信她想不斷的進步
- 比同年紀的朋友成熟, 大膽用'這個年頭的孩子'去開段, 評論同輩
- 清楚了解身邊朋友的文化
最近常常一個人發愣，胡思亂想。從爸想到媽，從老師想到同學，最後想到自己。我的存在理由，是甚麼？
有人說，天生我才必有用，但問題是，我總覺得，自己活了十多年人，還是一無是處。我找不到自己的優點，唯一能說說的，也只有勉強能說寫寫東西，用文字表達事情的能力比人強一點，卻也不是最優秀那種。感覺就好比上也不是，下也不是，夾在中間，上不去，下不來，那感覺，也蠻難受的。
這年頭的孩子，我想跟我一樣，也在迷失，不知道自己存在是為甚麼。生命本來就是一個意外，我們來到這個世界，如此彷徨無措，不知如何是好，一切尚未習慣，便已經被推到另一個階段，從嬰兒到幼童，從孩子到學生，從少年到成人，從中年到老死，人的一生，這樣渾渾噩噩的走著，偶然想起，自己存在，是底為了甚麼，自己在這世界上，擔任著甚麼角色？自己是誰？
"自己是誰？" 這個問題一直縈繞腦中。問爸媽，爸媽說，你是我們的孩子。問老師，老師說，你是我的學生。問朋友，朋友說，你是我的朋友。問情人，情人說，你是我的愛。
到底要問誰，到底要怎樣做，才能確定自己的定位？才能肯定，自己的價值？為自己確立一個實際的存在身份？
這個年頭的孩子，想事情都沒這麼深入了，問他們是誰，他們對你投以一記白眼，用眼神告訴你，你是個神經病的。他們不曾去想，自己在社會上的地位將會是甚麼，他們只是為活著而活著。
我是誰？這問題沒人能答你，有人為了證明自己存在，跑去割脈，只有痛，只有痛得實實在在，才感覺到自己活著，這忒也過份了；有人為了證明自己存在，努力向上，為名為利，只有榮譽放在跟前，才懂得快樂，才學會存在意義，這忒也扭曲了；有人為了證明自己存在，瘋狂購物，只有物質握在手中，才知道，自己活著，這太浪費了。
更多人為了證明自己存在，以貶低別人，抬高自己為樂。這年頭的孩子，都是這種人，他們目中無人，自視過高，自以為世界繞著自己而轉，遇到困難，便吸毒、自殺，這樣逃避，是因為他們自築的世界被外界的問題撞個破碎，於是無能為力之下，一死了之。會這樣做，其實只因他們從沒認清，自己的價值。
一種米養百樣人，世界在轉，人類在變，人們為了證明自己價值，花樣百出。你問我，你是誰，你的存在是甚麼。我告訴你，你為甚麼要問我？你自己是誰，該是由你自己去決定，不是靠任何外來的東西。你是你自己的，你是誰，要做個怎樣的人，怎樣定位自己，也全握在你手中，何需介意他人？
我是誰？我就是我，一個獨一無二的個體。
為何她會贏?
- 她知道自己的不足之處, 並且坦承分享, 相信她想不斷的進步
- 比同年紀的朋友成熟, 大膽用'這個年頭的孩子'去開段, 評論同輩
- 清楚了解身邊朋友的文化
'Who Am I?' '我是誰?' 徵文比賽得獎作品(一)
Author: J Tran from Australia, currently finishing her MBA at RMIT University.
Let’s begin by rephrasing the question from 'who am I' to who is that girl? She’s a woman with mad thoughts and we shall begin with the various ramblings of a woman lost in a world of words, emotions, dreams and thoughts.
Physically she is not very tall, not overly thin nor overweight, not too dark and not too light, glasses, scars, moderately deaf and not pretty nor cute – but charismatic. She’s overall rather average looking and she compensates this with her quick thinking, witty remarks, and at times outrageously bubbly personality which can quickly turn very dark if crossed, straight posture of confidence and attitude.
She was once told “you compensate your slight physical build with your words and your temper…” It is the one defense mechanism she has to bring down those who look down on her (literally).
This woman grew up in a poor family with a father who to this day is a heavy gambler, a mother who is a “victim” (“the Parents”) and an older brother (“the Brother”) who means the world to her and more. Unfortunately, the Parents continue to live through the Welfare cycle and question “why don't I have money?”
Growing up in what people called “junkie town” in welfare housing (“the Flats”) with people shooting up heroin outside her front door and childhood friends who became dealers, junkies, mothers and thieves was an express ticket to becoming a shifty streetwise junkie, lying in the gutter, in jail, pregnant at 15 years of age and/or dead, but for some strange reason this woman did not go down that path – she chose to walk the other way to prove to her Parents, her Brother, her Teachers, and the World that she could come out a Bigger and Better person from the Flats.
This woman was surrounded by many negative role models at a young age and unfortunately suffered severe depression. It was her life sentence which she still deals with on a daily basis. Every day the black void threatens to suck the life out of this woman. It is unclear when she first cut herself, nor ended in a pool of vomit from swallowing bottles of painkillers. It is obvious though that she intended to harm herself and is reminded daily from the scars left behind. This story however isn’t about this woman’s defeat – she may have lost many battles, but she definitely has not lost the war. What are her thoughts on depression?
It's no joke, nor something that will just go away by building a bridge and getting over it. It can have serious effects on a person’s life, but it cannot be used as an excuse for being spiteful, mean, bitchy, and violent. This woman is aware she has this illness and needs to deal with it rather than use it as an excuse because that’s just taking the easy way out. This woman has learnt to not question why nor has she regretted what has happened in the past, simply because there’s a life lesson in every event, experience and moment.
How did a woman of such mad thoughts, who was willing to jump out of her window from the 9th floor managed to survive all of this and more? Was it sheer luck (or bad luck, however you may see it); inner strength; supportive friends and family; or God? She wonders herself each and every day. Maybe deep down inside she wasn’t ready to lose the war. Maybe she still had so much to give back. Maybe she still cared enough to live out her life sentence. Maybe.
This woman has read many books and immersed herself in the world of others. Here is an extract from two books which rings true for her:
“Getting close to someone, anyone is very, very hard for me. It is easier, safer for me to watch from a distance. Sometimes I feel so lost. I’ve never been able to experience things like normal people; like being held as the sun goes down or feeling safe and ‘carefree’ with (somebody)… A sensation I have yet to experience. So, I watch others and smile for their joy. Sometimes that’s enough. I’ll make eye contact, bow my head in respect, and stroll off feeling a little warmer inside, thinking I would never be able to share moments in time like other couples.
Somehow lately I believe this is the springtime of my life. I’ve worked hard, planted many things, and soon they will blossom and grow before my eyes. I’m still scared, but no longer terrified. I can live with that. In an odd sense, being on the constant mental defensive is a comfort zone of its own. But one day I would like to be a real person. A person who is able to let down his guard and let someone in. Before I die I would like to experience that. I want to shelve my former life’s mistakes. I would like to live in total peace, in every sense of the word.
If I have to remain alone, I will. Above all I know not only can I survive, but I can trust myself. And I feel secure with that premise, as well as knowing I will not cause anyone else anguish.
I still dream of a home - my home: clean and fresh and open… As always, I dream. I always will. I’m trying to give up control, but it’s hard because for so long I was controlled by so many. But maybe if I surrender, I’ll find my answer. I’ll find peace.
Maybe, one day, I’ll have a home. Then maybe one day I can come home… home to you.”- Dave Pelzer
"Sometimes I feel like I’m a pair of eyes and ears, and I’m just trying to stay safe and make sense of what’s happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about. I’m like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don’t want pain. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to see other people around me die. But I don’t have anything left inside of me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it’s to know what’s possible to want…" - Jane Elliot
This woman has grown and achieved more than she ever aimed for. She has fallen, risen and learned to live everyday with a new attitude. She laughs more, loves more and lives more. She gives back as much as she can and takes very little. She no longer uses her life sentence as an excuse nor does she blame anyone for the upbringing she has had. She looks back over her shoulders occasionally and no longer cries, but smiles looks up to the sky and thank God for his blessings and the life ahead of her.
She’s frightened of course of what may hold, but this does not stop her from moving forward. She has her mask of strength and when that crumbles, she hopes to have somebody hold her whilst she slowly makes her way up again.
She is a woman with mad thoughts and looks forwards to the day when those thoughts become crystal clear.
Author’s notes: This essay is meant to reflect the thoughts of a mad woman. It is deliberately cluttered and random. No attempt was made to make the essay flow, but just written as the thoughts came.
Why she won?
- great confidence in herself that is much bigger than her physical built
- admirable because she is opened up to public, not afraid to share her 'unfortunate' childhood and experiences
- she knows what she wants based on her past
- she knows herself well along with a very high standard analysis
Let’s begin by rephrasing the question from 'who am I' to who is that girl? She’s a woman with mad thoughts and we shall begin with the various ramblings of a woman lost in a world of words, emotions, dreams and thoughts.
Physically she is not very tall, not overly thin nor overweight, not too dark and not too light, glasses, scars, moderately deaf and not pretty nor cute – but charismatic. She’s overall rather average looking and she compensates this with her quick thinking, witty remarks, and at times outrageously bubbly personality which can quickly turn very dark if crossed, straight posture of confidence and attitude.
She was once told “you compensate your slight physical build with your words and your temper…” It is the one defense mechanism she has to bring down those who look down on her (literally).
This woman grew up in a poor family with a father who to this day is a heavy gambler, a mother who is a “victim” (“the Parents”) and an older brother (“the Brother”) who means the world to her and more. Unfortunately, the Parents continue to live through the Welfare cycle and question “why don't I have money?”
Growing up in what people called “junkie town” in welfare housing (“the Flats”) with people shooting up heroin outside her front door and childhood friends who became dealers, junkies, mothers and thieves was an express ticket to becoming a shifty streetwise junkie, lying in the gutter, in jail, pregnant at 15 years of age and/or dead, but for some strange reason this woman did not go down that path – she chose to walk the other way to prove to her Parents, her Brother, her Teachers, and the World that she could come out a Bigger and Better person from the Flats.
This woman was surrounded by many negative role models at a young age and unfortunately suffered severe depression. It was her life sentence which she still deals with on a daily basis. Every day the black void threatens to suck the life out of this woman. It is unclear when she first cut herself, nor ended in a pool of vomit from swallowing bottles of painkillers. It is obvious though that she intended to harm herself and is reminded daily from the scars left behind. This story however isn’t about this woman’s defeat – she may have lost many battles, but she definitely has not lost the war. What are her thoughts on depression?
It's no joke, nor something that will just go away by building a bridge and getting over it. It can have serious effects on a person’s life, but it cannot be used as an excuse for being spiteful, mean, bitchy, and violent. This woman is aware she has this illness and needs to deal with it rather than use it as an excuse because that’s just taking the easy way out. This woman has learnt to not question why nor has she regretted what has happened in the past, simply because there’s a life lesson in every event, experience and moment.
How did a woman of such mad thoughts, who was willing to jump out of her window from the 9th floor managed to survive all of this and more? Was it sheer luck (or bad luck, however you may see it); inner strength; supportive friends and family; or God? She wonders herself each and every day. Maybe deep down inside she wasn’t ready to lose the war. Maybe she still had so much to give back. Maybe she still cared enough to live out her life sentence. Maybe.
This woman has read many books and immersed herself in the world of others. Here is an extract from two books which rings true for her:
“Getting close to someone, anyone is very, very hard for me. It is easier, safer for me to watch from a distance. Sometimes I feel so lost. I’ve never been able to experience things like normal people; like being held as the sun goes down or feeling safe and ‘carefree’ with (somebody)… A sensation I have yet to experience. So, I watch others and smile for their joy. Sometimes that’s enough. I’ll make eye contact, bow my head in respect, and stroll off feeling a little warmer inside, thinking I would never be able to share moments in time like other couples.
Somehow lately I believe this is the springtime of my life. I’ve worked hard, planted many things, and soon they will blossom and grow before my eyes. I’m still scared, but no longer terrified. I can live with that. In an odd sense, being on the constant mental defensive is a comfort zone of its own. But one day I would like to be a real person. A person who is able to let down his guard and let someone in. Before I die I would like to experience that. I want to shelve my former life’s mistakes. I would like to live in total peace, in every sense of the word.
If I have to remain alone, I will. Above all I know not only can I survive, but I can trust myself. And I feel secure with that premise, as well as knowing I will not cause anyone else anguish.
I still dream of a home - my home: clean and fresh and open… As always, I dream. I always will. I’m trying to give up control, but it’s hard because for so long I was controlled by so many. But maybe if I surrender, I’ll find my answer. I’ll find peace.
Maybe, one day, I’ll have a home. Then maybe one day I can come home… home to you.”- Dave Pelzer
"Sometimes I feel like I’m a pair of eyes and ears, and I’m just trying to stay safe and make sense of what’s happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about. I’m like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don’t want pain. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to see other people around me die. But I don’t have anything left inside of me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it’s to know what’s possible to want…" - Jane Elliot
This woman has grown and achieved more than she ever aimed for. She has fallen, risen and learned to live everyday with a new attitude. She laughs more, loves more and lives more. She gives back as much as she can and takes very little. She no longer uses her life sentence as an excuse nor does she blame anyone for the upbringing she has had. She looks back over her shoulders occasionally and no longer cries, but smiles looks up to the sky and thank God for his blessings and the life ahead of her.
She’s frightened of course of what may hold, but this does not stop her from moving forward. She has her mask of strength and when that crumbles, she hopes to have somebody hold her whilst she slowly makes her way up again.
She is a woman with mad thoughts and looks forwards to the day when those thoughts become crystal clear.
Author’s notes: This essay is meant to reflect the thoughts of a mad woman. It is deliberately cluttered and random. No attempt was made to make the essay flow, but just written as the thoughts came.
Why she won?
- great confidence in herself that is much bigger than her physical built
- admirable because she is opened up to public, not afraid to share her 'unfortunate' childhood and experiences
- she knows what she wants based on her past
- she knows herself well along with a very high standard analysis
Sunday, December 6, 2009
I'm Back
So long have my injuries been! Does anyone know how it feels to be sidelined during games and banned from basketball for 3 months?
Harder than keeping a top secret and itchier than getting bit by a mosquito.
Though, just like my girl Baby J encouraged me that 'the injuries can make me stronger and more patient'. She somewhat kept me away from frustration. So remember, there is always good and bad in everything.
After the 'long vacation', i could finally step back on the court and have earned our much deserved silver medals of Wong Tai Sin District Basketball Tournament. But more importantly, we had all enjoyed playing together after such a long time. This is exactly what i wanted for my club.
And then i had re-grouped with some of my former middle school teammates to participate in TWGHs Inter-Alumni Association Basketball Tournament. We have once a powerhouse in our division and district and have won Championships of Kowloon District, 2 times.
It was great to have played and caught up with my old boys, just like the old times.
Since i have 80% recovered from my injuries, i have been playing a lot of ball just to get back in shape and pick up my game. How am i doing now?
I didn't go to anywhere but what i can say now is - I'M BACK!
Harder than keeping a top secret and itchier than getting bit by a mosquito.
Though, just like my girl Baby J encouraged me that 'the injuries can make me stronger and more patient'. She somewhat kept me away from frustration. So remember, there is always good and bad in everything.
After the 'long vacation', i could finally step back on the court and have earned our much deserved silver medals of Wong Tai Sin District Basketball Tournament. But more importantly, we had all enjoyed playing together after such a long time. This is exactly what i wanted for my club.
And then i had re-grouped with some of my former middle school teammates to participate in TWGHs Inter-Alumni Association Basketball Tournament. We have once a powerhouse in our division and district and have won Championships of Kowloon District, 2 times.It was great to have played and caught up with my old boys, just like the old times.
Since i have 80% recovered from my injuries, i have been playing a lot of ball just to get back in shape and pick up my game. How am i doing now?I didn't go to anywhere but what i can say now is - I'M BACK!
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